I used to think that I’m a person of great versatility. A personality that’s fluid, adaptive and maybe even unpredictable.
I do realize that I like changes – for the better. I’m not too uncomfortable with the unfamiliar, and I look forward to the bigger and brighter future if that means leaving my comfort zone.
However when it comes to matters of the heart, is change really good?
I found myself returning to the same people who have been there for me through the years, my friends, and of course the people who will never leave – my family.
When do I decide to establish my feelings and take things seriously?
If stability in the dating scene is as erratic as the weather in Guyana, then I’d rather leave it and stop letting myself through all that emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes, enough is enough and nothing is more attractive and wonderful as inner peace.
Unfortunately, generally in life, the only constant is change…and a heartfelt chat with a long time friend of mine last night only reinforced that fact, in addition to many harsh realities we both faced.
Being both a realist and a dreamer that I am, I don’t wish to say “wake me up when I finally find my Prince Charming”.
No matter how painful or tedious the process may be, I want to be wide awake through it all. As the people around me gets hitched/ engaged/ married, all I want is to meet someone whom I can trust, loves me for who I am and that we are able to give each other genuine happiness.
I know. It’s a lot to ask for.
And I don’t know if I was awake or asleep when I wrote this. All I know is you came to me when I was at my lowest. You picked me up, breathed new life in me. I owe my life to you. Before the life of me, I don’t see why you don’t see like I do.
This week’s officially the “INTERVIEWS” week. Been going for a few, but the one I really aim for is FEO. And one of the interviewers actually told me he read my blog and all before the interview, having done “extensive research” on candidates before the meet up occurs. Interesting. I think my Facebook and Twitter may be “followed” soon too by future or potential employers. Oh well, a warning advice to all my friends – Please think twice before posting anything. But seriously, too much self censorship is like boycotting your own life and casting shadows on your true self, individuality, character and personality. Still, be safe or be “sorry”? I guess it’s still a personal choice.
Like a tweet I read recently, being truthful is like saying “sorry for being myself”.
Embracing and loving yourself for who you are is….sexy.
Been getting a lot of comments on my photoshoots these days. Well I never thought of myself as a model but I guess it may be a hidden talent, or simply that I enjoy posing and photography modeling (because unfortunately for my height I’d never make it to the runway, I probably can’t be seen or be thought of as a kid there) – that’s why the passion shines through and I look good?
A shoot I did with Mike yesterday – 5 outfits – a polka dot playsuit, a white ballerina-style dress from Almost Famous, pink playful “bunnygirl” costume, leopard prints lingerie set and lastly, the boyfriend shirt which specifically showcased an artistic pose specially requested by Mike.
Anyways, tomorrow’s a big day for Ferosha & Eclat and for ME because we’re having our first flea event at the Singapore Flyer!!!
Singapore Flyer Sky Deck – FULLY SHELTERED
30 Raffles Avenue Singapore 039803
Time: 2 – 8pm
Please come down and support us and to grab the rest of our collection at super low clearance prices!
And after the flea – TADAH! My own self manufactured designs. MY OWN DESIGNS OF APPARELS!!!
Thank you thank you <3
See you all! Going to have yet another sashimi dinner with Bestie now – his treat!
Two days ago was my birthday, and I chose it to spend it with 2 people who are important to me, on different occasions and doing different things.
One is my bestie, who used to be my ex boyfriend, who never ceased to be my pillar of support, who never once hesitated to lend me a helping hand whenever I need it (especially when he’s capable of it, and has the time for me). Who is a phone call away whenever I needed a listening ear. Who is close to my heart – a “rarity” whom some may not understand, but because we are close and share a special bond, we forgive, forget and become almost magnanimous and non-judgmental towards each other. He’s a soulmate, a confidate. People may not appreciate such a relationship, especially since we were once lovers, but we know the truth, and we truly enjoy each other’s presence and company.
The other is someone I met recently. A sweet, caring, mature and charming gentleman who seems almost too good to be true. It is a joy, honour and pleasure listening to him speak and share his life stories and dreams – past, present and future – with me. The kind of comfort, happiness and understanding I feel with him made me choose to spend Valentine’s Day and my birthday with him, and I never regretted it all, and instead my decisions made my feelings for him grow. It’s all too early to say what lies ahead down the road for us, but I do hope it turns out well and favourable to our intentions and wishes.
Believing someone takes a lot of courage, especially for a damaged heart like mine.
I do feel a little overwhelmed by my emotions today, and I’m not sure what caused it. I don’t like the feeling because it makes me weak and vulnerable, and a sense of losing control of myself. Is it because of too many expectations I had for myself, trying to handle many things at once? Is it the fear of being hurt again? Is the reason that too many people were making advancements towards me and I don’t know how to respond to them? Or is being ill for more than a week – having a persistent cough and being “bullied” by the rude nurse at the clinic this afternoon which became the straw that broke the camel’s back? The worry I have for my brother, who doesn’t seem to have made plans for his future? The ongoing search for the right job with the desired salary, including pressure from my parents?
Expansion and sustainable plans for F&E?
The strong desire to move out of my parent’s house – to a place where I may seek solace, peace and zen even if it may mean being financially independent and totally responsible for my own chores, meals, daily expenses…
The onset of NightOwl – it’s not a big worry but it all adds up.
It’s crazy but tears nearly welled up in my eyes with all these thoughts in mind…but I told myself to be strong. That I can do this.
Because it may be pretty ambitious on my part but that’s the way I like it, to push myself to the edge. I do think about…how nice it would be to share my life with someone who can understand all these without judgment, discernment but with expressions of love and kindness.
I know I’m a survivor because I had derived determination from doing the difficult things, or even the impossible.
And I really moved on from my tears. Smiled to myself. Got back on my feet.
“Everything will be okay. Will be great if I want them to be.”
I know I can’t take one more step towards you
Cause all that’s waiting is regret
And don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the eyes inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are
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